It really was real! Liliana Catherine was born on May 5th, weighing in at 8lbs 3 oz! She's a happy, healthy baby so far and managed to gain 17 oz in one week (her second week of life- she now weighs 9lbs 5oz) on breast milk alone!
Born via c-section after 20 hours of labor, she is worth every minute of worry and work that went into her conception, pregnancy and birth.

Still here

I'm still here and am checking in on several of you, though not commenting nearly enough! I'm almost 34 weeks along and can't quite believe it. We are continuing to hope it is really real and that things continue to go well!

Best wishes to all of you out there in IF and pregnancy after IF land!

24 weeks!

I am so excited to be at 24 weeks! For us in the IF world, 24 weeks is a big deal because it marks viability- a 50-50 chance that the baby would survive if born now. Still not great odds, but so reassuring at the same time. For me, 24 weeks somehow has made me feel more relaxed about the pregnancy, it feels so much more real with baby kicks, knowing the doctors would do everything possible to save her and really looking pregnant. I was so excited this week when a stranger made a comment about me being pregnant! I imagine that most women would prefer that strangers not say anything about their condition (and I'm sure I don't want any rude remarks), but I loved having someone acknowledge my current state.

I know things could still go wrong, but according to my midwife and every indication I have, things are going wonderfully well and I'm really enjoying it in a whole new way.
I've been to some prenatal yoga classes recently and that's been lovely- so neat to spend time with so many pregnant mamas at once! I'm hoping to go swimming or attend prenatal water exercise classes soon too. In perhaps one of the biggest developments, we've purchased crib sheets and they are due to arrive on Monday. We don't have a crib or anything, but one thing at a time, you know?

20 weeks

Depending on who you ask, 20 weeks has arrived either Friday, Saturday or today. According to the ultrasound I had on Monday (just a regular ol' mid-pregnancy u/s), my revised due date would be May 13 (the due date calculated with my RE is May 16) so everything is looking just perfect and my little one was weighing about 10 oz as of Monday. Two hemispheres in the brain, good midline structure in the brain, complete, healthy skull, four chambered heart, fluid in the belly as swallowing is being practiced, good looking legs and arms etc...

Oh, and the baby is a tiny, healthy baby girl!
She kicked me 6 times in about 2 minutes this morning after a few sips of orange juice and I'm feeling more movement regularly, despite the anterior placenta that we got to see at the u/s too. The doctor measured my cervix and it was nice and long and closed so I'm hoping all continues to go well.

We're definitely getting more and more attached to this pregnancy and baby (okay, so we're completely smitten) and hoping that we're lucky enough to have everything continue to go so well.

Update

Just popping in to say that my husband and counselor have put me on a news & internet diet and my anxiety has shot back down! I'm feeling much better and all seems to be well (no more spotting and it has now been over a week) and plenty of good heart beat checks. I know things can always happen, but I also am trying to be better at realizing that I don't always get to control what happens and when. Oh, the letting go, it is a process!

Thank you for your comments and support, it is greatly appreciated.

I know it has been ages since I posted. I've felt oddly caught between my good fortune and my on-going worries and just haven't figured out how to post what I want to say without sounding like I'm whining or spoiled or something unpleasant.
Today I'm drawn back here because I need the support of this community and hope that writing it down can help ease my fears. Okay, my irrational fears.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, isn't that wonderful? I even had a few weeks where my worrying got much better- from the first week of November until Thanksgiving, I was doing pretty well! On Thanksgiving afternoon I had a bit of blood tinged mucus and have been thrown back into the anxiety pit ever since. I called my doctor that day and she thought it was probably due to over-exertion (I'd been standing and rolling out pie crusts and hosting 14 people for the holiday). It didn't get worse or return and I've been fine ever since. Yesterday I had a prenatal visit and a quick ultrasound and all was well. I've been able to hear the heart beat with my doppler and it's a wonderful, if totally unreal, feeling! However, since Thursday, I've been completely, irrationally terrified that I might have cervical insufficiency or otherwise go into extremely pre-term labor and lose the baby and I don't know how to stop worrying!

My doctor at the visit yesterday said that they'd check my cervical length at my ultrasound at 19 weeks (only 20 days from now!) and that there was no reason to suspect that I had any problem. I know she knows what she's doing, but I'm still not convinced. I'm pretty sure I'm just being irrational and nervous due to my history and extensive knowledge of what can go wrong. Nonetheless, I'm really struggling with how to get this fear under control, so I thought putting it out there might help.

More good news

Yay! I had a great appointment today!
The baby could be seen via transabdominal ultrasound (though we spent some time with the dildocam too and got some great detail). The little one is wiggling up a storm and the heart is beating along happily and steadily. Everything looks perfect.
Thank you so much for your good wishes and thoughts, it is much appreciated.